well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
