Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
