She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
