Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Randomize
