Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
