I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
