Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
