I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
there is glitter all over my balls
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
