Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
