I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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