Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
