onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
