you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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