and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
