I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
