Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize