My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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