You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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