good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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