BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
