i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
