When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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