Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
