I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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