Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just found puke in my bra..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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