so that wasnt chicken after all
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My penis needs a shock collar
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
