like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
