watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Terrible idea I love it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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