Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
