look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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