Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
