wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
