it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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