ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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