Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Randomize
