Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is Oprah even human
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
