just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
