im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
