We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
