i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
