You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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