I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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