he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
