Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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