Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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