You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
