I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
