My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
