I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
