bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
