8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
