Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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